Diversity-Awareness and Acceptance
"You're not a REAL queer, you just don’t even know what you are, you're just EXPERIMENTING, you are a TOURIST LESBIAN”
This is what I was told by a friend of mine who identifies as a lesbian recently.
I identify as a queer. I choose not to identify as a specific gender or really a specific sexuality, though for convenience sake I'd probably be referred to as bisexual and bi-gendered. My identifying with my assigned-birth gender (at times) and my sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex (as well as the same) does not make me any less queer.
Key to the Queer Liberation movement is the idea that we should be free to love who we choose, why should this exclude queers who choose to sleep with/ be in relationships with members of the opposite gender.
The fluidity of sexuality and gender identity are challenged when we prescribe to a heteronormative view of relationships. How can we as queer and queer allies confess to challenge this view of “normality” if we too define things by their opposites, in black and white: Homosexual and Heterosexual?
Gleaned from forums populated mostly by people aged 12-20, are some common misconceptions of bisexuality Compiled by queer activists; Jessica Rodgers and Zienobia Frost in “Freedom to love whom we choose” in Querelle08:
· Most label themselves as bi ‘just to be cool’ or ‘to attract the opposite sex”
· Bisexuality is a phase between identifying as straight and coming out as gay
· Bisexuals will leave a same-sex partner at the drop of a hat
· They are untrustworthy and are uncommitted to queer rights
· They ‘cant make up their minds’ and therefore lack direction in life and above all, they are promiscuous and greed
What does it really feel like to be in the grey zone? Also compiled by Jessica Rodgers and Zienobia Frost in “Freedom to love whom we choose” Querelle08:
“It feels like being bisexual means always feeling like an outsider. People make you feel like you are just pretending (pretending either not to be a lesbian or not to be straight), or that you’re just trying things. There are assumptions that being bisexual means not knowing what you want” –Alex
“I feel guilty saying it now, but I can remember, as a teen, taking on the view that had been drummed into me: bisexual people were less queer than gays and were therefore less cool”-Marian
“…The overall attitude: You’re either with us, or against us. Perhaps queer solidarity is working against itself; our insecurities as a community are getting the better of us…As long as I say I don’t say I might be with a guy at one point in my life I feel like I belong to the queer community”-Alex
Heterophobia also appears in the prejudice aimed at “suburban” gays and lesbians who formalise their relationships and raise children. These people have in the past been accused of modelling or even creating Heteronormativity -rather than being applauded for challenging these norms. These people along with bisexuals and asexual people are sometimes regarded as “less queer” On measuring queerness Dean Kiley states: “Evidentiary processes to establish hierarchies of queerness or authenticity of poofdom would be the literary equivalent of random DNA testing on potential Mardi Gras members” (Querelle08)
Heteronormativity wins when we begin ranking ‘queerness’! Being queer is whether or not by choice (in part) about transcending socially constructed boundaries on our sexuality and gender identity. As queers and queer allies we are called upon to keep an open mind, to be part of a campaign of sexuality and gender diversity awareness. We should not mimic the narrow-mindedness of the homophobes we rally against. There is no room for narrow-mindedness and moralising judgements whether it be on a persons sexuality or gender identity what ever that may be or their “promiscuity” How can we preach acceptance and tolerance if we are critical of people who have relationships with or sleep with multiple people, people who engage in relationships (sexual or otherwise) with members of the opposite sex, people desire to forgo sex or indeed queers who choose to formalise their relationships and/or bring up children.
It is a mistake to think that what we do with our genitals is integral to our identity!
"You're not a REAL queer, you just don’t even know what you are, you're just EXPERIMENTING, you are a TOURIST LESBIAN”
This is what I was told by a friend of mine who identifies as a lesbian recently.
I identify as a queer. I choose not to identify as a specific gender or really a specific sexuality, though for convenience sake I'd probably be referred to as bisexual and bi-gendered. My identifying with my assigned-birth gender (at times) and my sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex (as well as the same) does not make me any less queer.
Key to the Queer Liberation movement is the idea that we should be free to love who we choose, why should this exclude queers who choose to sleep with/ be in relationships with members of the opposite gender.
The fluidity of sexuality and gender identity are challenged when we prescribe to a heteronormative view of relationships. How can we as queer and queer allies confess to challenge this view of “normality” if we too define things by their opposites, in black and white: Homosexual and Heterosexual?
Gleaned from forums populated mostly by people aged 12-20, are some common misconceptions of bisexuality Compiled by queer activists; Jessica Rodgers and Zienobia Frost in “Freedom to love whom we choose” in Querelle08:
· Most label themselves as bi ‘just to be cool’ or ‘to attract the opposite sex”
· Bisexuality is a phase between identifying as straight and coming out as gay
· Bisexuals will leave a same-sex partner at the drop of a hat
· They are untrustworthy and are uncommitted to queer rights
· They ‘cant make up their minds’ and therefore lack direction in life and above all, they are promiscuous and greed
What does it really feel like to be in the grey zone? Also compiled by Jessica Rodgers and Zienobia Frost in “Freedom to love whom we choose” Querelle08:
“It feels like being bisexual means always feeling like an outsider. People make you feel like you are just pretending (pretending either not to be a lesbian or not to be straight), or that you’re just trying things. There are assumptions that being bisexual means not knowing what you want” –Alex
“I feel guilty saying it now, but I can remember, as a teen, taking on the view that had been drummed into me: bisexual people were less queer than gays and were therefore less cool”-Marian
“…The overall attitude: You’re either with us, or against us. Perhaps queer solidarity is working against itself; our insecurities as a community are getting the better of us…As long as I say I don’t say I might be with a guy at one point in my life I feel like I belong to the queer community”-Alex
Heterophobia also appears in the prejudice aimed at “suburban” gays and lesbians who formalise their relationships and raise children. These people have in the past been accused of modelling or even creating Heteronormativity -rather than being applauded for challenging these norms. These people along with bisexuals and asexual people are sometimes regarded as “less queer” On measuring queerness Dean Kiley states: “Evidentiary processes to establish hierarchies of queerness or authenticity of poofdom would be the literary equivalent of random DNA testing on potential Mardi Gras members” (Querelle08)
Heteronormativity wins when we begin ranking ‘queerness’! Being queer is whether or not by choice (in part) about transcending socially constructed boundaries on our sexuality and gender identity. As queers and queer allies we are called upon to keep an open mind, to be part of a campaign of sexuality and gender diversity awareness. We should not mimic the narrow-mindedness of the homophobes we rally against. There is no room for narrow-mindedness and moralising judgements whether it be on a persons sexuality or gender identity what ever that may be or their “promiscuity” How can we preach acceptance and tolerance if we are critical of people who have relationships with or sleep with multiple people, people who engage in relationships (sexual or otherwise) with members of the opposite sex, people desire to forgo sex or indeed queers who choose to formalise their relationships and/or bring up children.
It is a mistake to think that what we do with our genitals is integral to our identity!
Asexuals (and their allies) unfortunately are largely still be fighting in some circles to have asexuality recognised as a legitimate sexual orientation. To by knowledge there is no clearly identifiable and recognised symbol of asexuality other than the black ring. This is a symbol which has received minimal publicity and it's effectivness is limmited as many asexuals do not know of ith themselves and many non-asexual wear black rings totally unaware of it's significance to the asexual movement. AVEN (Asexuality Visibility Education Network) is a group which fight for the recognition of asexuality as an orientation.
