Chapter 2

II



Um. Achilles… we’re mates, right? Friends?
Lol ya
If I told you a secret, you’d keep it? And not be too weirded out?
Roflmao no I wont we r frends tel me lol
Achilles… I’m a cross-dresser. I like to dress up as a girl, sometimes. It’s a part of me, you know? I just… I’m telling all my close friends.
Lolololol! U r jokin ya?
Uh… nope.
Lol! Fag! U r so gay! Hahahahahahahahahah do u like to lick men? Suck the cock?
I’m not fucking gay! Come on Achilles, stop messing around, I’m serious! What do you honestly think?
I honestly think u r a fag
Lol pools closed. Aids Aids Aids Aids Aids Aids Aids Aids Aids Aids Aids Aids Aids Aids
… Fucking Jesus, Achilles… you’re such a bastard
Rofles I m not Achilles any more faggot
?
I m stymphalion

“He just said that to you? Well, what do you expect when you make all your friends off 4chan?” Natalie sounded anxious and a little bit worried. She didn’t often hear Cam this moody, and it worried her. They had dated on and off for around a year, and became extraordinarily close; they were still close even now. “Do you have any reason why? Did you do something to make him cut?”
“Um, well, maybe. I mean, not really, he was just being a prick…”
“Come on, Cam. You can tell me anything, for Gods’ sake. What happened?”
“Well… I mean,” Cameron was unsure. This was an ex-girlfriend he was talking with, after all. Maybe she didn’t want to know. No, no, that wasn’t it; he should have told her earlier. He was a selfish inconsiderate arse not to tell her; his best friend, after all! The only person he spoke more to was possibly Able, but she was just a net friend. And she knew anyway.
But he couldn’t tell her now. She’d demand to know why he was hiding it. She wouldn’t understand. She’d hate him, and call him a faggot, spit on him. They wouldn’t be friends any longer. Just… acquaintances.
But what would Jessica do? What would she do?
No, it was dumb to think of that. Jessica was just Cameron Flint. They’d do the same thing, wouldn’t they? She wasn’t really significant at all, to be honest. Just… something small…
Fuck it.
“I’m a crossdresser.”
Natalie laughed at that one. “Yeah, right. Okay, Cam-“
“-No, seriously.”
“… what? Really? Like, really really?”
“Yeah. Um.”
“Oh God. Um. Well…”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier…”
“And you’re... you’re gay, then?”
“No. Not at all.”
“Ah… oh God, Cam, I’m not losing you, am I?”
“Losing… me?”
“As a friend.”
“No. Not at all. I’m still the same… Cam…”
“Oh, um, uh…” She trailed off.
Natalie didn’t talk for much longer after that. She promptly hung up, leaving Cam rather mystified as to the whole situation. She wasn’t too upset – that was good! She wasn’t angry, she didn’t make threats, and she didn’t burst into tears. She seemed fine…
Doubt, as if it were a malign cancer, twisted in his gut. She was faking it. The well-being was a mask. Cam had no doubt she had been taken back, and a little scared. But what if she never called again? What if she refused to answer her phone, and removed him online?
Did she really think he was gay?
If it was possible, the doubt deepened. What else could he be? He’d never heard of a straight cross-dresser before. He liked dressing up as a female. Wearing his older sister’s skirt, or sometimes her blouse, made him feel complete. He was naturally much happier when Jessica was in control, when it was her talking, and he did sometimes wonder what it would be like to have sex like a woman…
No – no, he wasn’t gay. But then what was he? Cameron was confused, and he often wondered what he was. Who was he? Was he more Jessica, or more Cameron? Cameron was weak and pathetic, while Jessica was his opposite in almost every regard. Come to think of it, she was like a completely different person.
Schizophrenia.
Did he have multiple personalities? Cameron Flint and Jessica, maybe more… was he sick? Did he need help? Was something unbalanced up there, in his head?
The thoughts continued, and Cameron couldn’t help but whimper as he decided to start getting ready for bed.

Checking his mobile, Cam read that it was 3:42 in the morning. Slowly gathering the energy to get up, he sat in bed, rubbing his weary eyes. He wasn’t thirsty, and he didn’t need to take a piss. Why did he wake up? There was nothing wrong. He started forming a headache…
No. Something was wrong.
He tried to get back to sleep, but that feeling was still there. He worried. What was it? Did he overlook something?
Tiptoeing quietly to his door, he tried to open it slowly to avoid the creaking. The floorboards under him, however, made a bit of noise, and Cam had to slow right down in order to avoid waking up Mum and Dad. The problem was that house was too damn small…
He swung open the door, quickly this time, and that negated the usual creaking. Walking out, slowly, he went through the cramped kitchen, avoiding the chairs and laundry baskets…
Claire’s room. His sister.
She was away, he recalled. Off with her boyfriend in Phillip Island – they’d gone boating, and she’d always wanted to see those penguins. There weren’t many penguins in urban Brisbane…
The door was already ajar, and Cam crept in. He opened Claire’s top drawer…
He couldn’t see what they were, but he grabbed them anyway. Panties. Claire’s underwear. Cam’s heart started beating furiously and a few beads of sweat appeared below his armpits. He stood still, debating.
No. He couldn’t. It was too sick…
Next drawer. Stockings. That wouldn’t be too bad…
A few moments after, Cam lay in bed, the stockings on. He felt much, much better; the headache was gone. He smiled to himself, content. He felt comfortable. He felt right.
I’d do anything in the world just to keep this going...